Sarah-Beth

It's a new year, and I've decided to make good on my promise to update. Here's a bunch of what's been going on in my life:

I'll get the major news out of the way first. We met mom's new oncologist, Dr. Ellis, who is enrolling mom in a chemo trial. This means that she's going to be closely monitored as they compare the effectiveness of a commonly used and itravenously-administered chemo drug against a new type of drug that's given through a daily pill. This doc was also very honest with us. Mom will not beat cancer. She will eventually die from this disease. What we still don't know is how long she has. This chemo should help to beat off the cancer that has taken hold in her liver - and who knows where else it's spread to. But that's the beauty of chemo - it attacks cancer in nearly every part of the body. The catch is, it doesn't act very effectively against brain cancer. I'm still struggling with this reality very much. In fact, I'm going to start counselling soon to help me cope. It's getting harder and harder for me to put on a happy face and care for mom and be here for dad. In fact, I've been running away an awful lot lately - I try to find any possible excuse to leave the house because it is not a happy place for me. In fact, Ryan's apartment feels more like home lately, because it is a place that I can escape to when I need it. I am very thankful that I have such a place. However, I also have to learn to cope so that I can be here for Dad. This situation is finally catching up with him, especially with all the extra time he's had to take away from work to be with mom for appointments and treatments lately. He is finding it very difficult to cope, and not having me around is not helping at all. So, I am trying the best I can to be here for him. Besides - I miss my Dad. A whole lot. I'm hoping that counselling will help me to deal with all the conflicting emotions I have throughout this struggle.

With all the struggle that my family has been facing this year, I still managed to do ok in school. My biggest source of pride is my Learning Objects class. My group worked so well together that we managed to put together a wonderful project and achieved an AMAZING mark in the class. I was also very happy with my Info Design class. My group wrote a great technical manual and I earned an 86 in that course.

My Digital Journalism course was a huge source of frustration for me. My group members had increasingly poor work ethic and no technical skill to offer, so I was stuck doing nearly all of the work on our project. I even left the classroom in tears one day after fighting with one group member because he did not complete any of the material that he was supposed to produce for our project. Instead, he submitted poorly written work that in no way adhered to the style of project that our group had agreed upon. And he had the gull to argue with me about this after my Week from Hell, where I had to take a week off for mom's surgery and uncle bob's funeral. In the end, he didn't complete the work. The major project consisted of an online journalism project - a website featuring articles on environmentalism and some interactive games. I did all of the design work for the website, which totalled more than 120 hours of website creation. I am incredibly proud of what I produced, but I'm not very pleased that all of my literal sweat and tears amounted to only a mark of 86. Given the amount of dedication I'd put into this course, on principle I think I deserve something higher.

My Rhetoric class is where I really dropped the ball. I decided not to attend the lectures because the prof was teaching the exact material from the prerequisite course. I felt it was a waste of my time. Before I stopped attending, I gave what I thought was a pretty good Conference Paper (i.e. we had to write a short essay to read in front of the class) but I didn't do many of the short reading-responses that were due for each of the lecture readings as part of the Participation Mark. I must've written a pretty good essay because I still managed a 70 in the class even tho I missed out on the 20% participation mark. Still, I'm frustrated because I know I would've kicked some butt in that class if I hadn't been frustrated by the prof's laziness and stopped attending. Still, it'll serve as motivation so that I don't slack off in any of my remaining two terms.

Canadian Literature is a class I'll always look back on with mixed feelings. I really enjoyed a lot of the works we studied, but I didn't take the time to read all of them. As a result, I felt lost and muddled throughout much of the term, and I certainly felt lost on the final exam. My stress was compounded when, after my exam, the prof told me that I'd flunked my final essay. Actually, I got a 60% on the paper, but in my eyes that is utter and complete failure. I've never - even during that gray period known as my grade 11 experimental year - done so horribly on an English essay. In her infinite he prof offered to let me rework the paper an resubmit it. Still, I left that exam feeling entirely defeated. That exam was supposed to mark the end of this tumultuous term, which I wanted so desperately to be over. Instead, I had the fucking essay hanging over my head. I balled. I called Ryan to pick me up from school (he had my car so that I wouldn't have to pay for parking while on campus) and I balled until he got there. Then I balled even harder when I got in the car with a very confused and concerned Ryan. I got myself under control on the drive home and then when we got to his apartment I balled some more. Thank goodness Ryan is so understanding - he was very patient and let me cry and get it all out of my system. When it was all over, I went home and went to sleep. The next day I told my dad - and cried some more. I was so upset about disappointing him and myself with my poor performace. But - of course - Dad didn't care. He told me that it didn't matter about the grade. And he encouraged me to tackle the essay and prove to myself that I could earn the mark I deserved. That night I reread my essay and followed the prof's advice on how to fix it. See, it was a good essay in that it compared two novels from the course on the similar themes they shared. But what I needed to do was use a specific type of literary criticism to frame the essay. So, I sent the prof an email with a detailed outline of how I planned to add this element to my essay. The next day - very much to my surprise - she called me. She told me that she'd marked my exam and that I had an ok mark in the course, but it was lower than what she thought I deserved. So she gave me three options - keep the mark I had, rewrite the essay, or come to her office to chat about literary criticism as a sort of oral exam to prove that I understood that very important facet of the course. I asked if I could think about my options, and then get back to her. Then I asked if she'd read the email I'd sent to see if my essay outline seemed ok if I chose to take the option of rewriting it. She told me that she hadn't read the email yet, but that she'd get back to me about it and asked me to get back to her when I came to my decision about what route I wanted to take for my final grade. A couple of hours later I received a reply to my email. She said that the outline I'd sent her contained enough detail that it proved to her I did understand the literary criticism that she taught in the course. She told me that this email was all she needed to give me a grade of 85 in the class. So in one email, I had that huge burden lifted off my shoulders. I was free of that class, and I got an awesome mark. I said that I'll always look back on the class with mixed feelings - I am eternally greatful that the prof gave me the opportunity to rewrite my essay, and that she was even more lenient in the end by freeing me from having to do even that. And I don't feel like I was handed that mark on a silver platter, because I know I always put a particular effort into the lectures by reading poetry out loud (I was always the first person the prof called on to read for her, and I never said no) and I always participated in class discussions, even if I hadn't read the novel or poem. So I know that I did deserve some credit for that, and I'm sure that her generosity towards me was in part because of that. But I'm also always going to let that mark of 60% stay in the front of my mind when I want to slack off in the future. English is what I do. I will never fail myself like that again.

So in that end, school turned out ok. It was a really difficult semester for me, but I am incredibly proud that I came out of it so strongly.

The weekend right after school ended was a busy one. Jenn and Kelsie came back from Italy for Xmas, so we met them downtown for drinks at the Albion. It was really nice to see them, and to hear a bit about thier lives in Florence. But it was even better to be a spectator watching Ryan interacting with his best pals. I love it when those guys get together, because you can tell how much they value thier friendships with one another. That's all I'm going to say about that, cuz I don't want to embarress those boys.

Saturday was Vanessa's birthday party. She and I went shopping on Thursday for martini glasses, food and booze, and on Saturday I went to her place early to help set things up for the festivities. It was a simple and wonderful little kitchen party. Nessa and I chopped fruit for the fondue (ok... Nessa chopped fruit - I butchered it! I was so inept in the kitchen that evening, but somehow I managed to leave with all my appendeges intact!) Ange, Davey, Eric, Dustin and his girlfriend, Nessa, Dane and I (with brief visits by both of Nessa's younger sisters and her parents) sat around the kitchen just chatting and drinking a lot of alcohol. I never felt drunk that night, tho I did drink a whole lot of yummy-tasting liquor. (Ask me to make you a Sweet-Tart Martini - they're my speciality!) We ended the evening with a rousing game of Who Wants to be a Millionaire. It was boys against girls. Can you guess who won???

The next day was the First Annual Doner-Bianchi Xmas Party. Nearly everyone that I invited ended up coming, so it was a full house! It was really nice to see Bob after so long, and he brought a freind. Ashly, Adam, Caleb and Andie came out and stayed right to the very end of the party!! I was so happy to see them, and so glad that they could stay for the whole party!!! Kim brought her new friend from work, Alan. I imagine we'll be seeing more of him, and I'm glad, cuz he's a good fit with out rag-tag bunch of geeks. There were tonnes of people, so I'm not going to mention them all. But I was really pleased to see that everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, and that the Bianchi and Doner groups of friends all merged so well. Oh. And did I mention the food??? Yum! The potluck went really well, and there was an awesome variety of viddles to be had by all. Mmmm-mmm! I can't wait for next year's party just for the food!

Oh. I have a lesson for everyone on karma. See, Dad and I went to CostCo to get supplies for the party and for the Xmas holidays. While there, we decided that Once and For All, we would have matching utensils, so we bought a really nice Lagostina Flatware service for 10. Well, being the feather-brains that we are, we left the flatware in our cart and didn't realize it the next day. What a waste of $70, right? Wrong! I called CostCo and someone turned in our flatware!!! I scooted back to CostCo, membership card and receipt in hand, and they turned over the shiney matching forks and knives to me! So, to the awesome person who had the decency to turn in the flatware instead of keeping it for yourself: you rock. Good things will doubtless come thier way, cuz that's karma!

Ok. So that's half of what I needed to cover. Now I'm really tired. But I promise that I'll take some time tomorrow to finish the tales of my holidays. For now, I need to read a bit and then hit the sack.

This is a constant refrain from my loyal readers. At their request, here's a list of things that I should post about soon:

* Ryan's family Xmas
* Latest mom news - she's doing more chemo
* Albion for Kelsie & Jen's return
* Vanessa's party
* School update - DAC project from hell that I am really proud of; Learning Objects project that earned me a 95% in the class... but I still have a bit more work to do on it; rhetoric class sucks; Info Design project that is done and I'm fairly happy with; Canadian Lit class that was a big stressor for me... until today!
* I am so madly in love with Ryan...
* Christmas is coming - shopping, baking, wrapping and more!
* The Doner-Bianchi Xmas party is TOMORROW!!!!
* CostCo karma lesson
* Shadow has reflux
* I miss reading for pleasure so much!
* Gearing up for camping - literally!

Ok. That's all I'll commit myself to for now. I dunno when I'll get a chance to fill in the blanks, but it'll be sometime before Christmas.

EDIT: I forgot to include the Caribou show on my list!!!!

This is a belated entry, actually. You see, mom was released from the hospital the DAY AFTER her brain surgery! How amazing is that?!?!?!?

Mom's doing really well. She's been resting a lot, which is key to recouperating. The doc is tapering off her dose of Decadron, the hard-core steroid that they put people on to keep the swelling down around tumours like her brain tumour. We're looking forward to her getting off the drug, cuz our grocery bill is HUGE as the main side-effect of the drug is a voracious appetite.

Ryan and I made the trip to Wasaga to attend Uncle Bob's funeral yesterday. It was a really pleasant service, with at least 200 guests in attendance. He was incredibly religious, so the service was very religious. The best part about the service was the laughter. People told stories about him, and his daughter Rebekah gave a really wonderful speech to introduce the slideshow she put together. It was really comforting to hear his wife (my aunt Lorraine) and daughter laughing the loudest throughout the service.

Afterwards we went back to their house for a quiet family get together. It was a way for the Barrett family to spend some time with Bek and Lorraine away from all the other guests. It was a really pleasant time and I'm glad that we went.

The drive back was good, as Ryan was the one at the wheel. We had great conversation on the way back, discussing religion and our feelings towards it. We seem to be on the same page there, which is good.

When we got to Guelph we made a quick stop in to see Ryan's parents. I filled them in on my mom's situation and they got to see that Ryan truly does exist as more than a distant voice on the phone or text in an email. We'll be seeing them again on the weekend at his cousin's confirmation.

So it's back to the grind for me. It feels a little weird to be going back to school after this week away. But it was sooooo necessary. I needed the time to spend with mom at the hospital, but I also needed the down time that the additional days off provided. I'm actually looking forward to returning to the grind and putting this term to bed. Can't wait to be done and on to new things in the new year!

Speaking of better things... I signed and submitted my contract and various other documents to RIM today! I can't wait to start co-op next term!!!

Today my mom had her brain tumour removed for the second time. The surgeon assures us that he got the entire tumour this time. Mom is now totally alert and back to her sarcastic, witty self.

Keep praying for us and thinking good thoughts. The battle isn't over, but this is still a huge victory for us.

Here's a brief recap of my life over the past while...

• On Thursday night, a group of folks got involved in a Guerilla Art installation. What an awesome experience.


• On Friday Ryan, Kevin and I made our way to Timmins. We left from the Guelph/Waterloo area and made our way into Toronto to tie up some loose ends for Kevin.


• Before leaving Toronto I got a triumphant call from my mom informing me that her surgery has finally been booked. She'll check into the hospital on Tuesday to have her brain tumour removed on Wednesday. So, it's off to Hamilton for my mom, Dad and I this week.


• We then hopped on the highway and headed North. We followed Highway 11 and hopped off occasionally for the purpose of exploration. We picked up a map for Ryan's wall (which also came in handy for navigation - who knew?) at an Info Centre in Barrie.


• While Kevin slept in the back seat, Ryan and I played a word game to stay awake and feed the friendly competetive spirit that we share. We played the "say a word, the other person says a word starting with the last letter, and so on" game. For the record, I won at Boys Names, and we tied on Girls Names. It was hilarious to hear Ryan speaking in Stream-of-Consciousness, as this is something my contemplative counterpart seldom engages in. And we discovered that lots of Boys Names end in N, while Girls Names tend to end in vowels.


• Somewhere along the way my Dad called to let me know that Shadow appeared to be having a seizure and that he was headed home to deal with it. He and mom called the Vet to make an appointment. It seems that Shadow started shaking and lost the use of her back legs for about 15 minutes. I wasn't particularly worried, because I knew a seizure was something that could likely be controlled with pills. It was just a matter of getting her to the vet and dealing with it. I actually said to my Dad as he assured me not to worry "If I can handle brain cancer in my mom, I can certainly handle epilepsy in my dog." Funny how you gain a whole new perspective and a means to deal with things, eh?


• We stopped in Bracebridge to get another decorative map, but the Info Booth there was all out. Since we were already there, we decided to grab a coffee at a little place downtown. Ryan got a coffee while Kev and I opted for the fancier Mocha and Butter Tart combo. The Mochas were made with espresso, steamed cream, chocolate shavings and chocolate sauce. Damn they were good! They were coffee with the smooth taste of chocolate, rather than the sweet and icky things that pass as mochas in other places. The butter tart was runny as hell and super rich. It was death by yummy consumables. One cool thing to note is that the coffee shop has autographed photos of famous people on the walls. These include Red Green (I can't remember his real name right now) and Mike Myers.


• On the road again, we began to notice an accumulation of snow as we continued North. At first it was just in the shady parts of the ditches, then Kev and I saw a water-and-ice-fall cascading down a cliff just outside of North Bay.


• Apparently I mentioned that my grandma grew up in Cobalt a bunch of times, and there were quite a few billboards along the highway advertising the Cobalt Mine Tour, so we decided to explore a bit. We got off Highway 11 and drove through Cobalt and North Cobalt. The guys remarked on the condition of the town with its obviously hastily built and also hastily abandoned houses lining the highway... That got me even more excited about them seeing Timmins, as it is a town currently in decline, tho on a larger scale than Cobalt. We stopped in Haileybury to grab refreshments, and decided to take a walk by Lake Timiskaming. I took photos of the boys as they stood by the lake, with Kevin explaining artistic principals to Ryan. It was a really powerful moment.


• By the time we got back on the road, it was fairly dark. We continued our sightseeing as we headed toward our final destination. The most significant sight that we took in was the sudden change in snow conditions. It seemed a very abrupt shift from areas with light accumulation, to Timmins, with its thick powder and waist-high banks.


• As we entered the city through Porcupine, I started the tour. I pointed out the Falconbrige Met. Site, the government building where I wrote my G1 license test, the Porcupine Mall... After a much-needed pee break at the Tim Hortons in Porcupine, I took the wheel and gave the grand tour of South End. I showed them my old highschool, the downtown area, my old home, the airport, lakefront at Porcupine Lake, and the Barn arena.


• After the tour of South End, we headed into Timmins proper, with me pointing out things like the South End Cemetary where Grandpa Doner is buried, and the park-cum-tailings-pond outside of Schumacher.


• We thought we were ending our journey when we arrived at my cousin Darlene's, which is where we were staying for the weekend. We were wrong. I had forgotten to call Dar to remind her of our arrival, and she had forgotten about me. Ooops. She was at her daughter's ringette game, so we faced a locked door on an empty house. I preferred to pass the time in warmth, so we headed over to Uncle Bill & Aunty Mar's house for a little visit. We drank some pop and chatted with them for a while before heading back to Dar's.


• Once again faced with a locked door, we decided to knock on Chad's door to see if he had a key to Dar's house. He lives in a small house behind Dar's, on her property. So, I knocked and he invited us in to hang out and meet the baby that he and Wendy just brought into the world a month earlier. She let me hold the baby and feed little Lillian a bottle, so I was in 7th Heaven. Ryan and Kev oogled over her a bit, and then turned their attention to Chad's pet Tarantulas. The female is about 4 inches across, and the male is about 6 inches across. I'm probably off in my estimates because I stayed well back and coddled the baby, so you can ask Ryan and Kev for details.


• Dar eventually came home and stopped in at Chad's and we stayed for a while longer before heading to her place for the night. She set us up quite nicely in her basement, with Ryan and I on the futon covered by 4 very comfy blankets, and Kev in my cousin Ben's bed. Ben is away at school in Ottawa, so we had his basement bedroom as our homebase for the weekend.


• The next morning we woke up after a long and much-needed sleep. We made a career out of having showers and getting prepared for the day. At around noon we headed to downtown Timmins for a little bit of sightseeing and then breakfast at Nadeau's. The tiny French-Canadian diner has a sizable breakfast menu which included eggs and homemade baked beans for Ryan, a crepes and eggs combo for Kev, and an omlette for me. Plus, they served decent non-pretentious coffee. All-in-all, a satisfying meal and a great start to our day.


• Upon leaving Nadeau's we made the decision to go to Kapuskasing as an afternoon road trip. I know what you're thinking - Why Kap? Well, Ryan wanted to see Ontario's northmost road-accessible city. Boasting a population of 9 500 people, Kap holds that distinction. Who knew? So off we headed on a 300km round-trip.


• On the way to Kap we took photos of a snowplow-train as it cleared the railway that runs along the side of the highway. I learned that it is very difficult to keep pace with a rather slow-moving train while trying to keep the car safely on the road.


• Along the way we stopped to see the spaceship in Moonbeam. Yes, you read that right. There's a little town called Moonbeam along Highway 11, about 20kms before Kap. The city's major attraction is the 12-foot high fibreglass flying saucer that sits outside the local Info Centre. I have photos of Kev and Ryan sitting on top of the flyng saucer, as well as a shot of them standing in front of it in their "tourist pose".


• We reached Kap in good time, and stopped to take photos of Ryan and Kevin climbing on more stuff. Ryan chose to lie prone beneath the rather large statue of a bear that is Kap's major attraction. Kevin made it his mission to mount the bear, which he did after much effort. I also have photos of Kev and Ryan standing atop a very large stone Kapuskasing sign.


• After a quick stop for coffee and a photo of the large decorative monument outside the very attractive Kap train station, we headed back to Timmins. We returned to Dar's place to find it empty (actually, Steph was home, but we didn't know it at the time) and the door unlocked. We let ourselves in and watched a movie until she and my cousin Corinna came in.


• When Dar and Corinna got home, they let me know that my Aunt Debbie was in the hospital. She is severely diabetic, and her sugar levels went very seriously out of control (for those who speak diabetes - he sugar was over 70!!!!) after a three-day bought with the flu. She was brought to hospital by ambulance by her son Kyle where she was admitted to the ICU. She's doing ok now, but the doctor's made it clear that Kyle was lucky he brought her in when he did.


• Despite the bad news about Debbie, we all enjoyed ourselves at the Wedding/Baby shower for my cousin Ryan and his new wife Jen over at Bill & Mar's place. We played cards with Steph and Chad's step-son Steven. We ate good food, visited with my relatives, and enjoyed the celebratory atmosphere. The highlight of the night was the DVD slideshow put together by a friend of Ryan & Jen's. It included a montage of Jen as a little girl and growing up, a similar sort of montage of Ryan, and then a montage of photos from throughout their relationship. It was a really touching presentation. Right afterwards, Jen and Ryan opened all of their gifts. I got to help by handing the gifts to Jen. She opened them, Ryan read the cards, and Dar & Aunt Vicky helped record who gave them what. It was a nice system, and they got some nice presents, many of them baby-oriented and thus inspiring a lot of Ooos and Ahhhs. It was a nice close to the evening.


• We went back to Dar's where Steph and I proceeded to kick the stuffing out of the boys at a game of Signal. Their signal was ingenious, but they lacked any skill at actually colleting the 4 of a kind necessary to actually use the signal. Steph and I played a subtle and straighforward strategy and beat them by approximately 30 to 3.


• Steph headed to bed, and we went to our basement hideaway to watch the rest of The Emperor's New Groove before getting some sleep.


• The next morning I got a call from my mom informing me that my Uncle Bob passed away. It was not a shocking revelation, as a few days previously he had decided to stop battling the cancer that he had been suffering from for over a year. I was actually quite relieved to know that he did not have to wait long to get his release from the disease. The memorial celebration of his life will be held on Sunday near his home. I'll be attending on behalf of my family, because Mom will likely still be in the hospital in Hamilton.


• We waited until Uncle Doug and Aunty Vicky arrived with a CD of photos from Brenna's wedding before finally heading home. We made a quick stop at the Earlton Zoo so that I could point out the giant anatomically-correct buffalo and so that Ryan could take over the driving.


• Our next stop was at Thornlowe Cheese factory where I picked up some cheese curds and a large block of cheddar for my Dad. We also stopped to explore the Highway Bookshop where Kev purchased a book on speech and human communications.


• Our only other stops were for peeing as we made a steady line for home. Still, it took us quite a bit longer than my dad expected, which irked him a bit. Still, he had to admit that he was glad we weren't rushing and driving like idiots, so he couldn't be made.


• We pulled into Waterloo around 9pm. The boys unloaded, and I said goodbye to Ryan before heading home.


• Today I got the details about Uncle Bob's funeral. I excused myself from all my lectures this week so that I can be ready to go to my cousin Rebekkah's side if she needs comfort or assistance while preparing for her father's funeral. The great thing is that her boyfriend was already out visiting her at school (she goes to Dalhousie for Nursing) so he was by her side when her father passed away. Bek and I spoke when mom and I visited this summer, and she tells me that her boyfriend is truly her soul mate. I'm really thankful that he could be there with her. As much as it is a relief to know that her father is no longer suffering, I'm sure she is still filled with all kinds of emotions.


• My mom got a call today from her cousin Ida in Thunder Bay. Her mother Hazel fell and broke her hip last week, and had it replaced today. Ida's daughter was also just released from hospital because she is battling some issues related to depression. Rachelle and I are fairly close and she was planning to move to Waterloo to come to school at UW. I sincerely hope she can still make it here next fall, because I'm sure the change of scenery and lifestyle will do her a world of good. On top of that, my mom's and Ida's cousin Dorothy died after a long battle with Multiple Sclerosis. Our family is going through a lot lately. Wow.

So that's it in a rather HUGEMUNGOUS nutshell. I didn't mean for this entry to go on so long, but there it is.

How am I doing through all this? Great, actually. The trip to Timmins was a great escape. I got some R & R and some quality time with Ryan, and with Kevin and my family. It's rejuvenated me for what's to come. I'm really looking forward to mom's surgery, I'm at peace with my uncle's death, and I will deal with everything else as it becomes necessary to do so.

Water is a refuge for me. I've come to realize this over the past few days. When I felt ill last weekend, I hopped in the shower and then later that night into a warm tub to make me feel better. Instead of hopping directly into bed to sink into an exhausted sleep, I've opted for the calm and contemplative zone of my bathtub. My morning showers are long. Too long when it's not my hot water bill. But water is where I'm finding a moment to think and to relax without the bothersomeness of the dry world.

I'm moving back and forth between feeling overwhelmed and feeling strong. I'm drifting, which is much better than abrupt and exhausting shifts between these two opposites.

Part of the reason I'm overwhelmed is definitely my fault. I've been somewhat lax this term. I opted for several weekends of social time instead of homework. Now it's catching up to me. But I'm glad I took the time to have some downtime and social time. It's something that I truly missed while up North for the summer. Now I must strike a balance so the one does not overtake the other ever again.

I'm also overwhelmed because I'm finally being challenged in some of my classes. These challenges are both enticing and frustrating for the same reasons. They all will be rewarding. But at first they were too daunting and I had too many balls in the air. Now I have a path, goals, a Plan of Attack.

The other part of my being overwhelmed is far beyond my control: Mom. Again, I've been running, hiding behind school and hiding away in Waterloo. This time I have been productive in my hiding, attacking the mountain of the semester, the summit of which I will soon reach. But all the while mom has been living out her illness. It is growing. She is... I don't want to write deteriorating because that is too callous, too close to the worst-case. No, I will say she is faltering. Her condition is drifting from being strong and steady to being tired and unsteady. She has trouble on the stairs. She has long naps and takes the Lorazapan to calm her nerves twice a day.

Today the Homecare nurse saved the day and ruined it in one fell swoop. She got the Truth. The surgeon is not doing his job. He hasn't booked the surgery. He's out of town with no word about mom and what she's supposed to do with the tumour trapped in her skull. He said "Two Weeks to a Month, tops." It has been five. It will be at least one more because there is no booking yet. So with this truth the nurse ruined everything by proving once again what a letdown the healthcare system is. Ha! "letdown" is too nice a word. All words are too nice to describe the reality:

They are killing her.


But the nurse also saved the day. Now we will stop waiting foolishly for them. Now we will look in London, Toronto, even Sudbury. Mom will get her surgery. Knowing that - and making that happen - makes me strong.

OMFG!!!! Seven very lucky members of the Waterloo Space Society (myself included, of course!) just met with Marc Garneau, president of the Canadian Space Agency and the first Canadian to go to space. And... I got his business card out of the deal!!! He gave it to me so that the WSS can contact him about getting more involved in the CSA.

So it's official! I work for RIM!

I got the unofficial word through my friend Alyssa who works at RIM and pestered the manager on my behalf. Two days later (this past Friday) I got the official Early Match notice from co-op.

So, as of next term, I will have a RIM job. (I had to say it just once!)

Hurray for me! I'm super pumped!

I alluded to this in the post I just wrote, but I'll go into more detail.

I went to my O-T interview on Friday with a certain amount of confidence, especially given the stellar response I got in my R** interview the day before. So I walked into the interview and the employer and I started chatting about how hectic it is to move offices. O-T is currently moving to their shiney new building in the UW Research & Technology Park, and S* did that during my last term there, so I feel their pain. Moving offices is HECTIC (right Lexx?)!! Anyways, after chatting and getting settled in, the interviewer cut to the chase. She told me that when she interviewed me previously (in my 2a term, the one that I ended up working at Sybase) she knew that I would be good for the job. (She hired my friend Katie instead, but I have no hard feelings because I'm sure Katie and I were similarly qualified at the time.) She said that obviously I'd developed an even greater skillset, so she was totally confident that I could handle the job. We went on to talk about S*'s writing system and editing process and about how I loved the usability project at Sybase. Then she told me that she was going to be totally honest with me. She said that, while it was unfair to the other 3 candidates interviewing for the job, the two people that she was really considering for the job were Katie and I. (Katie reapplied as a fallback in case she didn't like the other jobs she got interviews for.) She said that Katie and I were "known entities" and that she knew we were both totally up to snuff for the position. Then she said she'd call me on Monday to follow up and let me know "how I did" in the interview. (i.e. whether or not I got the job, but she's not really allowed to say that in so many words.)

Holy ego-stroke, Batman!!!

I left the interview with a swollen head from all the compliments. It's really rewarding to know that people respect me for what I've been working so hard to acheive. I joined the STC because I love technical communication. I worked hard at S* (well, as hard as I could given the circumstances) and I work hard at school and in the clubs and things I'm involved in. It's so nice that people recognize all that!

Even tho it was a big ego-stroke, I still felt a little bit of pressure to accept the position. Still, after getting feedback from several people in the co-op system and not in co-op, I've come to realize that I have to look at my own best interest. Employers understand that students need to make the best decisions for their own career and that if they look like a great candidate for their company, it's pretty damned likely that another company will feel the same way. So there it is. No more pressure.

(I still feel pretty cool about getting all these compliments this past week, tho!)

So I did it. There's no going back. It has been done.

(Ok, there is going back if I really want to, but meh. It's pretty much done, tho.)

I just made the bold decision to try and achieve an Early Match for the job I interviewed for this afternoon. The job is Documentation Services Assistant, and it sounds super-awesome! The interveiw went well, and it just so happens that the manager knows and respects my friend Alyssa, so I get cred for knowing her and because she's been talking me up around the office. Oh, and did I mention that it's at RIM?

For those unfamiliar with the ever-evolving co-op system (i.e. my aunts and possibly Ryan's mom) at UW, I'll explain:

Each school term, students who need co-op jobs apply for them through UW's online system called JobMine. We upload an HTML resume and search through job postings in the online database. When we apply for jobs, the JobMine system automatically attaches our co-op record of employment, our HTML resume, and a transcript of our UW grades. Employers sift through the applications and submit a list of students that they want to interview. Students see these interveiws online and choose an interveiw timeslot from the schedule outlined by the employer. Interviews occur over a period of about 3 weeks followed by Ranking Day. On Ranking Day, students log on to JobMine to see a list of the employers they've interviewed with. If an employer has ranked you as their number One choice you see the word Offer next to that company's name. If they don't want you at all, you see the words Not Ranked. If they want you but you're not their first choice, you simply see Ranked. If you have an Offer that you want to accept, you put the number One next to that company's name. If you don't have an Offer, you put the number One next to the jobs you were Ranked for and hope for the best. The only way you'll get a job you were Ranked for is if the person who was Offered the job doesn't accept it. (Tho if you're like me last term and get 6 Offers, you make this dream come true for 5 people! :oP ) You are not allowed to be stupid and rank a job if you were Not Ranked by the employer.

This term, co-op has decided to try something new and exciting. If you know you definitely want a job, you can rank it number One right away. As soon as the employer submits their rankings (and they're encouraged to submit them ASAP with this new system) if you have a One-to-One match - meaning they gave you an Offer and you ranked the job as number One - then you get that job right away! They check the latest matches every weekday morning and inform both employer and student of any matches by Noon. Once you're matched, you don't attend any of your remaining interviews and your interview spot is given to students on a waiting list.

I have decided that I REALLY want the Documentation Services Specialist job, so I just ranked it as number One.

I did have some trepidation about this decision. I kind of feel like I'll be letting down some employers who've already expressed an interest in hiring me. And I was kind of worried that I'd miss out on a good job if I don't give them a fair shake at an interview. But I know that I really want this job and that it's got more of what I'm looking for than any of the other positions I've applied for. And if I do get pulled from some interviews, it just gives someone else a crack at it! And this way I don't have to lead on any other employers by expressing interest in the interview while knowing full-well that I really want this job that RIM is offering.

(Plus, I'll get to work with my friend Alyssa next term, which is a really awesome bonus.) :o)